Deb's Life

Deb’s Margarita Cupcakes

1.      1 box of white extra moist cake mix

2.      3 egg whites (no yolks)

3.      1 cup of tequila mixer(non-alchoholic)

4.      1 ounce of tequila

5.      1/3 cup of oil

6.      4 drops of Liquid green food coloring

7.      2 limes zested, then juiced, each divided inhalf

8.      2 containers of premade cream cheese  frosting

9.      2 cups of confectioners sugar

10.  2 limes sliced for garnish

11.  Decorative Sugar Crystals (found in the bakingsection)

12.  Coarse Margarita Salt

Cupcakes: Mix the first 6 ingredients in a large bowl.  Add half the lime zest and half the limejuice..  Mix with mixer and bakeaccording to cake mix box directions. (I used some frilly cupcake baking cups. Makes18 cupcakes

Frosting: In a large bowl, mix the two premade frostingswith the two cups of confectioners sugar with a spatula. Add the remaining halfof the lime zest and the remaining half of the lime juice. Put into a decoratorbag or use a large zip lock bag and frost the tops of the cooled cupcakes.Immediately sprinkle with a generous amount of the sugar crystals. Lightlysprinkle with the margarita salt and stand a slice of lime into the top of theicing. Cool in fridge for 5 minutes to let icing set.

I am posting some new pictures from our wedding that my dear friend, Peg, made for us. We were just recently able to get together and we are so thrilled. She got some really nice shots. I'm going to post the new ones in an album titled Wedding album 2 on my Photo Gallery page.

                               When you really matter to someone,

                          that person will always make time for you.

                    No excuses, no lies, no broken promises. -Best Quotes

Not everything in life is black and white. The gray areas in your life can sometimes be confusing. It's impossible to figure everything out just when we want it. We are only human and humans aren't perfect. I have learned a lot of things in my life and I hope I continue to learn. What I do know - is that we cannot always find the answer to questions that we have. Sometimes we just have to sit back and let time pass. We have to let life take it's course. If we don't understand something, it's pointless to try and try, day after day, to resolve things in your mind when you have no clues on which to base a resolution.

There are things in my life right now that I can't get resolved. I don't know where to find the answers and for the life of me can't figure it out on my own. So I have decided to go on with life in hopes that my questions will one day be answered and I can understand why things have occurred. I did sweat, and cry and think and think and think until my brain was on fire and heart was as swollen as the lump in my throat. I know who I love, I know who I care about and I will continue to feel the way I do because it is a choice I have made. I refuse to let something I don't understand make me change the way I feel about people. There is nothing you can do to fix some things if you do not know what is broken.

It's amazing how your life can change in the blink of an eye. I'm in a place now that I never imagined being. For most of my life I thought I'd know where I was going to be, what I'd be doing, with whom and just when you think you know - it all changes. I have a new husband, a new life - in so many ways. I have met some incredible new friends due to my new husband coming in to my life. I now find myself listening to the band rehearsing in our music room, sitting at a pub or lounge listening to bands play or having dinner guests that we have met just through our new experiences. It's like a whole new life. My kids have grown and gone on their way. I miss them terribly and would love to have them home again running around in sock feet, asking me to watch them do something they find exciting. But those days are gone until I have grandchildren, lol. Although the feeling is sometimes strange, being in a totally different life, I see it as an opportunity that many don't get to have. Despite all the hardships - I am happy and I feel lucky.

I'm so happy that Mo and I decided not to wait about getting married. We had thought about 2012 at first but we decided we couldn't wait and we tied the proverbial 'knot'. What a sweet man he is! We got married on Navarre Beach in the company of 50 friends and relatives, including my daughter and son. Kellen was my Maid of Honor and Carson gave me away.  The weather was perfect, the music and the food was fantastic and being in the company of such wonderful people meant WE were truly blessed. We'll post some pictures as soon as we can!

Hi everyone,

Those who know me well know that Mo and I have decided to get married. We had first talked about the Fall of 2012 to get married but we decided to just go ahead and do it. We don't want to be apart anymore. We love each other very much and have loved each other for  well over two years so we just want to be together forever. There are a lot of things to do now, plans to make, things to square away both here and in Europe, people to tell, etc. We just sent out some invitations and I know it's close but we know that our close friends will be able to make it, at least. Many of our friends in Europe would like to have made the trip but it's so very far and not much notice so just know that if you are one of them, you will be with us in spirit. We also have some friends in Georgia who would like to make it, if you can, please do, but if you can't then you, too, will be with us in spirit.

It's going to be a simple and sweet beach wedding, some good food and great music provided by our very talented musician friends. We are very much looking forward to sharing this day with our friends and my children. We would have loved having his children here with us as well, but the distance is just too great.

I welcome his children into my life and has welcomed mine. I am very happy to have such a wonderful new family.

A loving relationship is about belief in each other. It  is about honor and respect. And about the two in love and if they feel the same about these things. It's about trust and loyalty. Also, it's about protecting each other from harm, mentally, emotionally and physically. It's about putting others second and your partner first and the ability and responsibility to ask yourself if something is the best thing for them. It's about being open and honest, upfront and sincere.

A loving relationship has a foundation built on the strength of all the things above. If one or the other is missing then the foundation is weak. And while it may hold up for a while, it cannot maintain.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how my life has changed over the years. Things happened that I never would have dreamed, some good, some really, really bad. But either way, it's my life that I have been given.

Just over two and a half years ago I had the good fortune to meet the man I am in love with. Mo Masoud. Whoever would have believed that he and I could have come this far. What started out as a friendship blossomed into the sweetest relationship I could hope for. And over the past couple of years all the traveling back and forth to Europe, mostly by him, the times we've spent traveling, the friends we've made together, the plans we've made, have all made for such a beautiful love story. I remember once he told me that he never had any real thoughts of a  visit to The US until he met me.

We gave some things back to each other that we had lost. How to trust, how to love completely and how to hurt when you miss the one you love so much. And I know that I never want to be without him. His kindness, gentleness and sweetness are things I had really been missing. We know each other inside and out and I am one very happy woman.

I think about the bahavior of people a lot. I don't know why. I often wonder why someone does what they do, or what they say; I think about this toward everyone, even total strangers. I think about it more than I should, I suppose. I know it's something I will never understand completely but I suppose I'm curious, or concerned. Whatever. I have pretty much lived by the law of myself, meaning I act and react the way I think is best for everybody, or - the situation, whichever the case may be. It makes you able to lay your head on your pillow at night in peace. But I'm wondering if I would still have peace if I treated someone the way they treated me. No matter how good you are to someone and how sympathetic you may be to their behaviors, some people are simply going to continue to treat you the way they treat you. Out of habit? Out of personality? Because they feel safe being the way are because you always let them? I suppose it depends on the person. I decided, a couple of weeks ago, that I am going to step out of my comfort zone and treat people individually the same way they treat me. So now it's no longer - treat them as you would like them to treat you but now - treat them as they treat you. I'm going to do it. I'm already doing it. Maybe I shouldn't but I think there comes a point in your life when you have to put your foot down, especially if the old way keeps getting you hurt.

This is my Dad, John Baker. He died of cancer at the age of 50. His first grandchild was only one month from being born. He was a beautiful man to look at, an interesting man to talk to and a man who had many faults. I loved him despite it all, as any child would. I truly feel if he had been able to live longer he would have become the man he really wanted to be. But here, on Father's Day, I am without him but he is in my heart.

My ex- father-in-law once asked me to intervene in a  situation between a daughter-in-law and, well, everybody else. He said "Come on Deb, you are such a good fixer, you're a good mediator", blah, blah, blah. Okay. So most of my adult life I have been placed in this role. I didn't ask for it and I don't really want it. I might offer advice to my friends if I feel they need it but I really don't want to be the fixer anymore. I'm about to start a new life. I didn't ask to start a new life but it was the hand I was dealt. I'm happy with my future partner and love him dearly. But I am so reluctant to be the fixer anymore. I would be more than happy to be the fixer 50% of the time. I think that's fair. But I am struggling now with how to  retrain my brain. When I see something that is not going well I seem to step in and say 'hey, this needs fixing, let's do this'. But I really don't want to be in this role the rest of my life. So just exactly what does a person do to retrain themselves to not be the one who initiates the repair of something? And what if I DO take a step back and allow others to take on the role, they don't seize it and it grows into a hardcore problem? Where would the sense be in that? This is something I will be mentally working on in the coming weeks. There is always a solution to everything. (There I go again...)

You know, once your children get to be a certain age, let's say "After 18", they sometimes want to distance themselves from the parents. It's natural and it's all about becoming independant and growing up.

You just have to hope that they carry the good sense with them that was instilled in them. Then you have to hope that they use it. And use it right. But they don't always follow the 'knowing right from wrong' rule.

Someimes I don't understand the words and actions of my own children. Things they do and say are just not done in they way they should. And I wonder what they're thinking. My questions would be to them "Why do you think this is okay?",  "Why would you make such a decision?" and "Do you think this is the right thing to do, the right choice to make?".  Experts say to let them make their own mistakes and learn from them. I know this is right, sadly. But when damage is being done, shouldn't a parent be able to say so? What do you do, just let the damage happen and let them suffer? It sure does hurt.

I've had this sweet little dog, Zonie, for 12 years now. She was about 5 months old when we got her. She was wild and fast, which landed her the name she got. Lightening would have been an appropriate name, as well. She will still chase a squirrel at break-neck speed if she sees one run atop the fence. She can catch a lizard no matter where it tries to hide. She's just that quick.

But this week, I have seen a change in her each day. She no longer is certain she can jump up on things. She whines and hesitates. She attempts it and fails about half the time. Today as she ran in the door from outside one of her hips gave way. I suppose I didn't think about this day coming. I didn't want  to. She is my friend and my family member. My heart aches at the thought of losing her.

No matter where I go in this house she is there within seconds. If I leave a room 10 seconds after entering, she is back up again, going wherever I go. Zonie gets attached to people easily anyway, but lately I've noticed that she misses people more deeply after they leave. It's almost like she is appreciating more, the presence of the people in her life. She never asks for anything except a treat. But she is grateful for a hug. I can't bear to see her like this but I owe her everything. She has never let me down. She always watches me in case I might call her name. She lays at my feet wherever I am.It's going to be a long road ahead of me.

Zonie   .

We birth them, raise them, see them grow wings and fly away.  What the hell! Something just seems wrong with that. But, it's the way it is. I miss my children, now 23 and 21. You know, you raise them the same way and they turn out to be different in a lot of ways. One goes one way, the other goes the other way. I suppose it's that built in, genetic stuff. It would be so good if we could just halt things in time, go in, make the changes that would help them, then step back and watch time come to life again. I suppose life doesn't work that way. But our mind does. I do it all the time. Las night I couldn't sleep for thinking about my daughter. Then found out this morning - she is sick. I know it's God-given to moms, and not saying anything bad about dads but there is just something special about the connection between a mother and child. And while we are forced to stand back and let them learn from their mistakes and learn appreciation for the things they earn, it's hard to stay out of it. HARD, I TELL YA! But even though my children are away from me, learning the ropes of life, they both know that their mom is here. Always have been and always will be.

I'll soon be venturing on a trip to Europe. I can't put into words how excited I am. I really don't think I would have much of an interest in going if it wasn't for seeing the man I love when I get there. Sure, maybe one day Janet and I would have trekked across Italy, we've often spoke of it. But flying there alone, knowing the only reason I am really going is to be with Mo and enjoy him and what we can see and do together. I will have the pleasure of meeting his youngest son, for that I am grateful. He is a lucky little boy to have parents like he has. Without a doubt I know that he will grow up to be a wonderful man. And I hope to be around to witness it.

So, as I prepare myself and my personal, material things to make the journey, I think of all the possibilites. Being a realist, well, it's what we do. I sure hope nothing happens to me on my flight but if something does go wrong I will know that I have loved and been loved and for that I am so grateful. I want to be remembered fondly by my friends and as a good mom by my children. And I hope to be forgiven if I have been unkind to anyone.

But if everything goes according to my own plan, I will be back here safe and sound, and more in love that I ever thought I could be again. And I'll be counting down the days until Mo gets here to be with me forever.

     Sometimes it's a good idea to think deeply about ourselves, our decisions, our motives, why we like and dislike certain things. It makes us take a true look at the person we are, how we see ourselves, what we want for ourselves, and what we believe about us and how we see our future. It isn't always what we thought.

      I recently heard a song from a few years back and I immediately put myself in the position of the woman in the song. I thought about me being 'her'. So much was the same. So many words in the song were words I felt about myself. It was almost if I could be singing them myself.

     So I began to think a lot about why I identified with the woman in the song. And it came to me clearly.As much as I want to believe certain things will happen in my life, I apparently don't really believe it will happen for me. I'm trying to believe and have faith. I try hard. I thought I believed in it. I know I deserve it. I really do. I wonder if I had something in my hand, so to speak, to hold on to, some proof, some evidence, some guarantee,  THAT would make me feel better about things. I don't know, maybe.

     Do I just have to see something for real to make me believe it's going to happen? That old saying "I'll believe it when I see it?" That would make me cynical, for sure. But I worry about myself. I HAVE lost lost faith in others, I know that. And I understand why, I've been through some real shit. I guess it would be easy for someone to understand why I have lost the ability to believe. However, I hope that I can regain my faith in people as time passes, as I see proof that people mean what they say, and that doing and living right will eventually bring you happiness.

I'm very fortunate to have such good friends. And people, I'm talking about friends that are highly sincere, amassed with integrity, loyal, honest, super trustworthy and will absolutely do anything for me. Not just one but several. Friends that I could tell my worst secret to and I would never, ever even consider it being repeated. (although I don't really have any horrible secrets - but if I DID - I'm just sayin') And if I need help, not only are they there to listen but will find a way to help me, no matter what. The generosity and thoughtfulness of these people - well, it's just amazing. And I know that not one of them would ever turn their back on me. How many people can say they really do have friends like this? I can never thank them enough for being in my life. And I will never know how I came to be so lucky. They make me feel so special. I don't know what I did in my life to earn them but whatever it was - I'm glad I did it.  

I've had a wonderful couple of weeks with my boyfriend, Mo. He did five shows while he was here. What a sweetheart he is. His kindness and gentle ways are such a breath of fresh air for me. He has certainly put the wind back in my sails.  (He also puts the "wild" in my "wildfire".)

I've added some video's of some of his performances on my video page and some pics of his shows, AND us, on my gallery page. I hope to have all of them up soon but it will take a while.

He has only been gone for a few hours and I miss him so much already.:(

I have only to look forward.:wink: